HOW DO YOU DARE TO BE PRESENT AND FEEL?

In this article, I will guide you through an exercise that will help you accept your feelings as they come and strengthen your ability to be present with yourself and feel them.

Embracing Your Emotions

If unwanted feelings are always pushed aside, you cannot be authentically yourself. I understand, that some things or people trigger feelings and emotions in us, that we might not want to experience. That leads us to try to deny the emotions (or that the things never actually happened). The downside of this quick fix is, that the continually avoided emotions will remain in the body as anxiety. To be honest, pushing them aside won’t help in a long run and the thoughts causing these unwanted emotions usually emerge over and over again in different situations. It is very important for your emotional wellbeing for you to have capacity, to be present with all your emotions. To create a connection with yourself and with others, you need to learn skills to be present, have empathy, space, listen and be with everything what is and will come in that moment, without judging it.

Finding Balance

Sometimes it can be the other way. You might be so used to see all the negative and hurtful things, the emotions followed by those thoughts have taken over. Your wives of life has been blurred by this negative tone in your thought life and it starts to take a toll on you and your relationships. Your thoughts cannot remain very positive if you don’t dare to let also pleasant feelings emerge. Sometimes you might have fear of losing the pleasant emotions or you might think, you are not entitled to feel pleasant feelings. This is often the case, if you have experienced emotionally traumatic situations. The purpose of the following exercise is to free you from fear of loosing as well as excessive solution-focus and avoidance and learn to give yourself some space to feel with safety.

NOTE! Solution-focus is a very good thing in itself, but in its excess it does not build connection. Quick fix is not always the best approach.

But now let’s move on to the – to be present -exercise:

1. Choose a quiet moment when you are not in a hurry and can focus on yourself in peace (even 5-10 minutes)
2. Find a comfortable and peaceful environment where you feel safe. This can be at home in your favorite armchair, in nature, or even parked in your car.
3. Create a safe and accepting emotional space for yourself
4. Take three deep, calm breaths. Focus on how your breath feels in your body and listen to the sound of your breath. Consciously slow down your being and notice how it feels in your body (think of a hamster wheel that slows down and stops).
5. Say to yourself: “In this moment, I give myself permission to feel and be exactly as I am.”
6. Recognize your feelings
7. Pay attention to:
   • What amI feeling right now?
   • Where in my body do I feel this feeling? (Example: a feeling of pressure in the chest, tension in the stomach or neck)
8. Don’t try to analyze or solve the feeling. Notice it as if you were a curious observer.
9. Welcome your feelings, like long-awaited guests
   • Imagine speaking directly to your feeling. For example:
     • “Hello, sadness. I see you. Just come to this moment in peace.”
     • “Wonderful joy. It’s wonderful to have you. Just stay here as long as you want.”
10. If the feeling is unpleasant, don’t push it away. Hold the feeling, like a child who has been hurt and needs a parent’s presence. Tell yourself:
    • “This feeling doesn’t define me. It’s just part of my experience in this moment.” Let the emotion be without feeling compelled to do anything about it.
    • Avoid the impulse to do something to relieve or resolve the feeling. For example: If you feel anxious, don’t rush to explain the reasons for it or look for a solution.
    • If you feel joy, don’t force it to continue or try to control it
    • Tell yourself: “I don’t need to resolve this feeling right now. It’s enough that I feel it.”
11. Practice accepting self-talk
    • Speak to yourself gently and compassionately, for example: “It’s perfectly okay to feel this way.”
    • “The feelings I’m feeling right now are a part of me, but they don’t control me.”
    • “I’m safe even though I’m feeling this.”
12. At the same time, you can look around and orient yourself to the present moment, noticing that despite your feelings, you are safe, and nothing bad is happening to you here and now.
13. End the exercise consciously
    • Take a few deep breaths and feel your body relax.
    • You can write down your feelings in a journal afterward if you want, but only if it feels natural.
14. Make it a regular practice

Try to set aside a moment each day or week to practice accepting your emotions. You can do it spontaneously when you feel a strong emotion, or consciously as part of your routine.

WHY DOES THIS -to be present -EXERCISE WORK?

When you give yourself permission to feel without judgment, you free yourself from the need to control everything. It creates space for your emotions to process naturally and reduces internal pressure. The exercise also helps you develop self-confidence and the resilience to face your emotions as they are. Remember to breathe deeply and calmly, and consciously slow down your being (for example, you can lean back, which is often when you notice if your nerves have flared up again).

Have a wonderful, calming and empowering practice with emotions! You are wonderful and valuable!❤️ You deserve to be met with all of yourself!