How to have the courage to feel?
In this article, I will guide you through an exercise that will help you accept your feelings as they are and strengthen your ability to be present with yourself. In other words, I will help you to have the courage to feel.
If unwanted feelings are always pushed aside, they will remain hidden in the body as anxiety. Or if you don’t dare to let pleasant feelings emerge or linger in them because of the fear of losing them or that you are not entitled to feel pleasant feelings, your thoughts cannot remain very positive. The purpose of the following exercise is to free you from excessive solution-focus and give yourself space to feel.
NOTE! Solution-focused thinking is a very good thing, but in its excess it does not build connection. To create a connection with yourself and with others, you need presence, empathy, unhurriedness, listening and being with everything what is and will come in that moment, without judging. Fixing things quickly is not always the best approach.
But now let’s move on to the exercise:
- Choose a quiet moment and place
Time: Choose a moment when you are not in a hurry and can focus on yourself in peace (even 5-10 minutes)
Place: Find a comfortable and peaceful environment where you feel safe. This can be at home in your favorite armchair, in nature, or even parked in your car.
- Create a safe and accepting space for yourself
Breathe deeply: Take three deep, calm breaths. Focus on how your breath feels in your body and listen to the sound of your breath. Consciously slow down your being and notice how it feels in your body (think of a hamster wheel that slows down and stops).
Say to yourself: “In this moment, I give myself permission to feel and be exactly as I am.”
- Recognize your feelings
Pay attention to:
What am I feeling right now?
Where in my body do I feel this feeling? (Example: a feeling of pressure in the chest, tension in the stomach or neck)
Don’t try to analyze or solve the feeling. Notice it as if you were a curious observer.
- Welcome your feelings, like long-awaited guests
Imagine speaking directly to your feeling. For example:
- “Hello, sadness. I see you. Just come to this moment in peace.”
- “Wonderful joy. It’s wonderful to have you. Just stay here as long as you want.”
- If the feeling is unpleasant, don’t push it away. Hold the feeling, like a child who has been hurt and needs a parent’s presence. Tell yourself: “This feeling doesn’t define me. It’s just part of my experience in this moment.”
5. Let the feeling be without feeling compelled to do anything about it
Avoid the impulse to do something to relieve or resolve the feeling. For example:
- If you feel anxious, don’t rush to explain the reasons for it or look for a solution.
- If you feel joy, don’t force it to continue or try to control it
- Tell yourself: “I don’t need to resolve this feeling right now. It’s enough that I feel it.”
6. Practice accepting self-talk
Speak to yourself gently and compassionately, for example:
- “It’s perfectly okay to feel this way.”
- “The feelings I’m feeling right now are a part of me, but they don’t control me.”
- “I’m safe even though I’m feeling this.”
At the same time, you can look around you and orient yourself to the present moment, noticing that despite your feelings, you are safe, and nothing bad is happening to you here and now.
- End the exercise consciously
Take a few deep breaths and feel your body relax.
You can write down your feelings in a journal afterward if you want, but only if it feels natural.
- Make the practice regular
Try to set aside a moment daily or weekly to practice accepting your emotions. You can do it spontaneously when you feel a strong emotion, or consciously as part of your routine.
Why does this exercise work?
When you give yourself permission to feel without having to make a decision, you free yourself from the need to control everything. It creates space for natural processing of emotions and reduces internal pressure. The exercise also helps develop self-confidence and resilience to face emotions as they are. Remember to breathe deeply and calmly and consciously slow down your being (for example, you can lean back, which will often help you notice if your nerves have accelerated again).
Have a wonderful, calming and empowering moment with yourself letting everything be that is! You are wonderful and valuable! You deserve to meet with yourself!